Monday, December 6, 2010

I'm Not a Natural Pollyanna.

Those who know me well, can recall that last year was a bit, well, dark.  No, no, I'm not referring to our move from Chicago to Beaver - although, I'm not gonna lie, that process was pretty darn tough.

I'm referring to our first year in Beaver, which while glorious, was also a year of great emotional pain for my husband. And thus, me.

Those of you who REALLY know me, prayed with me, cried with me, rushed to our aid, watched our children, loved on me, spoiled me, and allowed me to vocalized every ounce of anger, worry, doubt, frustration, and sadness that was necessary.

Those of you who REALLY know me, also spoke truth to me, even placing a gentle hand on my shoulder to say, without actually speaking, "Perhaps you need to stop talking about it for a bit."

While we've left the frightening part of the forest behind, we have not left the forest entirely.  It will always reside with us.

Thus, the need for a personal challenge of enormous proportions.  Enter Beachbody.  Yada, yada, yada.  Stuff I've already said.  Words you've already read.

I realize now, however, that in my quest to make a change, I may come across a bit "Pollyanna"ish.  My new outlook has me looking for the "glad" in all circumstances - even those times when I can only see crap through those trees.  I'm normal.  I see the crap.  I don't ignore it, make light of it, or act as if it doesn't exist.

I also don't let it master me.

Regular, intentional exercise has been one discipline that has helped me develop a drive to push on, find a way, and spot and hang on to even a hint of joy that may present itself.  There's even medical evidence to back up what I've experienced first-hand.  But I actually had to START in order to initiate that drive.  Think about it.  Sit in a car.  Wait for it to start/drive.  Surprise!  It's not going to start itself.  Or drive itself.  You must turn the key and handle the vehicle, or you'll never leave the driveway.

A second discipline I've adopted is to make every attempt to remove the word "can't" from my vocabulary - especially when it comes to tackling something new.  Admittedly, this came AFTER getting the exercise thing down - but, having read the medical research, I now understand how closely linked physical activity and emotions are.  A little sweatin' helps curb the frettin'.

Did I believe I would remain committed to ChaLEAN Extreme and finish it?  Honestly.  I didn't.  Did I constantly talk about how I "couldn't" do it?  No. Instead, I kept the talk positive - to the point of annoying some people.

I'm not apologizing.

It's proven.  Exercise will help you emotionally.  Which, in turn, may help you curb the negative tongue.

Even though you may not feel like Pollyanna on the inside, I can guarantee that what flows from your mouth will influence how you act and respond to challenges.

Verbalize "can't" and you won't.

I'm not going all "name it and claim it" on you.  I'm not into that.

However, I do know that our words our powerful.  The one's we speak to others and the one's we speak to ourselves have the power to heal or hurt.

Do you need a physical and emotional adjustment?  I did.

I don't need to tell you how I accomplished it.


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